chapter of John's gospel, Jesus ministered to a Samaritan woman who had been married five times and was currently living together with a man. She was at a well near her home town drawing water. She was there by herself, which was a clear indication that she was an outcast in her community-other women avoided associating with her.
But Jesus loved her. He didn't approve of her lifestyle-but he valued her as a person. He also knew the root cause of her marriage problems and was there to help her solve her chronic issue with men. The root problem was her lack of relationship with God and trust in Him.
With the water well as His analogy, Jesus told her if she kept drinking from a human source she would keep being thirsty. He also told her that if she would realize who He was, she could ask Him for a drink and He would give it to her and that she would never thirst again. The problem she had in marriage was that she was looking for men to meet needs within her that only God could meet.
We have four basic human needs that drive all of us at all times. Those needs are acceptance, identity, security and purpose. Even though we can get these needs met on a human level to a degree, only God can truly meet these needs on the deepest level. This was the water Jesus was referring to that would completely satisfy her inner thirst that men had never been able to quench.
The most important issue in marriage is our personal, daily relationship with Christ. If we will look to Him to meet our deepest needs, we will be satisfied and be able to relate in a healthy way with our spouse and others. The reason is because we aren't looking to them to meet needs only God can meet. Also, we can love people in good times and bad out of the abundance of love God supplies to us.
However, if we are not in relationship with Jesus in a meaningful way, we will naturally transfer the expectation for our needs to get met to our spouse. The result is that we are set up for disappointment and our spouse is set up for failure. On their best day, they cannot meet the needs only God can meet.
When I got married we were new Christians. We were trying to establish our own prayer lives and relationships with Christ. In those years, we were too dependant upon each other and not dependant enough on Him. The result was a lot of fighting and frustration. We later realized that we were putting unrealistic expectations on each other.
I am a good person-but a poor Jesus. I am committed to do in our marriage what I should-but I can't meet Karen's deepest needs and she can't meet mine. That is why the first thing we do every day is pray, read our Bibles and spend time with the Lord. We also have regular times where we pray together over important issues. It is the most important thing we do for our marriage.
The Samaritan woman at the well is a lot like many Americans today. She was failing in marriage because she was expecting people to do for her what only God could do. Also, like many Americans she had become cynical and had given up on marriage. With her heart and life broken, she conceded defeat and decided to just "shack up" with a willing man.
Don't give up on marriage. It works. But it only works when we trust God to meet our deepest needs. Also, regardless of how many mistakes you've made-God hasn't given up on you. He loves you and wants to fill you up with His love so you can succeed in life and in marriage. Let Him. His love is there. Take a drink.
Little Children, Love One Another....... If it be done it is enough....It is a command of our Lord