I posted a question in the forum the other day. It was asking if any other believers ever suffer from depression +/or panic attacks. I asked, of course, because I do... and it has always seemed as if I am the only one who does. Living with mental illness is no fun, literally. It zaps the life and joy right out of a person. It has seriously damaged my self esteem, and caused me to shut myself off from the rest of the world.

 

 

A couple of years ago I began attending a new church, after many years of not attending church at all. It was there that I became a born again Christian. At first things were going okay, then one by one things began to happen. Instead of getting better, I was getting worse. I stopped going to church, and further isolated myself. Two subsequent times I attempted to get back into the rhythm of going, but each time was the same, and I reacted in the same way.

 

Life seemed to get better for the time. I was able to work outside the home again, for the first time in several years, and most things in my life were going relatively smoothly. Then again they began to go downhill… only this time it wasn’t because I was going to church.

I should say here that I never lost my faith, but I tried not to think about it too much, because to be perfectly honest-- I thought many of my problems were because I felt so unworthy to be loved by Christ. I (not Him) put myself under constant condemnation. I also had a hard time being in a church where everyone was smiling and happy all the time, when inside I was so miserable. I felt like I was living a lie with each and every fake smile, and the few times I did break down in church (the Fresh Manna class I took springs to mind) I felt like a blubbering fool.

 

I have wanted to go back to church for some time, but was feeling that maybe the church I belong to wasn’t the right church for me. I mean Word of Faith churches teach believe to receive right? Or claim to be well when you’re not because you will be. I may have it all wrong there but that was my impression. Not that the teaching is wrong but it felt unnatural to me to pretend I was okay when I clearly wasn't. So I began looking around for a new church. I had a couple in mind to try but never got around to it. My depression and isolation were increasing and I knew I needed to change but I wasn’t ready to step back out yet. That is when I posted the question that I did here in this forum.

 

Well yesterday I had a life altering experience. I had been going to the doctor for some medical problems that are turning out to be quite possibly very serious. The gravity of the situation was driven home to me yesterday when a biopsy was done on my uterus. All last night I was a total wreck.

 

By coincidence (or more likely divine intervention) I had picked up a book by Max Lucado at the library a few days before called The Applause of Heaven. I read the whole book and a wave of peace swept over me. It made me see for the first time how glorious heaven will be. It will be as he said, like going home again. I think for a brief time I actually resigned myself to dying— that is until I looked at my youngest son and realized I am not ready to leave any of my children yet. It was then I decided I had to read again what God’s promises for healing really are. I looked at some Bible passages and also searched on the web. I read several articles, but the one that stuck with me was written by Gloria Copeland. In it she wrote that the first step to healing was having the necessary faith. Well that blows that I thought. My faith isn’t that strong. Thankfully she went on to explain quite clearly how anyone can develop the needed faith, and it all boils down to this: “you make it a priority in your life to hear the Word of God taught, as well as to read it and study it for yourself.”

 

Well I had been reading it and studying it myself a bit. The piece that was missing was hearing it taught. I knew I had to go back to church. The question was, which church do I go to? All of a sudden it came to me to give my current church one more try, so I did.

 

You can imagine my amazement and surprise when the pastor tonight didn’t preach the message he intended to preach and instead preached about the very issues I had been struggling with about the church itself. He even talked about pretending to be okay when he wasn’t. He went on and on and on, speaking about loss of joy, personal struggles, just everything… and every word he spoke resonated so deeply inside me. I have never heard a message so directly aimed at me. When I went up front to be prayed for I was literally trembling when he touched me.

 

I have a long way to go yet. I am still awaiting the results of my biopsy and I have a cyst on my ovary that looks suspicious, among other things… but after tonight I am certain I am on the right track, and I am certain that I am going to the right church for me. Thank you, Jesus for showing me this... and thank you Pastor Chris for following your heart last night and sharing all that you did.

 

I am still fairly new to all of this so if anyone feels called to guide me along the way I would very much appreciate it. Even though I have been going to this church off and on for a couple of years I don’t know anybody there to talk to. I could really use some Christian friends.

 

Thanks for reading this,

Liz

Good Morning Liz,

What a blessing you are.  I didn't answer you because I have never struggled with depression or panic attacks, well maybe the panic attacks when I stood up before somebody to sing, but it's totally different from what you've been experiencing.

I have, however, been attacked by the devil in other areas of my life and Liz, anytime we take steps to go towards God, the enemy of our soul tries to counter with attacks in areas where he's been successful before.  This is when we take God's Word, and believe it and push through, trusting God's Word instead of looking at, and focusing all of our attention on what the devil is saying to us in our minds.  Another good book for you to read would be Battlefield Of The Mind by Joyce Meyers. 

The only area the enemy has to speak to us is within our minds.  He's constantly trying to tell us other people don't like us, we will look like fools if we go and speak to people, we're going to die before our time, we're worthless and we might as well stay by ourselves because all we'll do is mess things up.  I could go on and on but you get the picture.  These thoughts are not from God, they are from him.

The Good News, my Sister, is that God says that you are the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus.  God says that you are the head and not the tail.  Jesus says that in this world we will have tribulation, but be of good cheer because Jesus has overcome the world.  God says that you are the apple of His eye.  God says that He will never leave or forsake you.  God says that He has taken all your sickness and diseases and has given you healing and health in their place.  God says that He has already healed all your diseases and forgiven all your sins.  God says that He has redeemed you from EVERY sickness and disease...  GOD SAYS....

So, the first thing you have to do is find out what God has already said and stand on what HE said and tell the devil to SHUT UP!!!  You have that authority you know.

You ARE the redeemed Liz.  You have a blood bought right to come boldly to the throne of grace and obtain help in your time of need.  This is what Your Father God says.  He also said that He is not a man that He should lie, and He also said if He spoke it HE will bring it to pass.

You are not alone Liz, You have God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit on your side.  And He's given you a family of Christian brothers and sisters to help you.

We're here for you Liz.

We are you're family Liz and we're here for you , any thing we can do to help please let us know

 

Concerning the biopsy for cyst on the ovary , been there sis. Again the strength of Fathers Word , Father gave me

Psalm 103:4

Who redeemeth thy life from destruction!

 I spoke that word out over my life reguarly , the doctors thought cancer , BUT my God said my life was redeemed from destruction!

My weight plummated down by almost  4 stones, I was schuled for surgery , the day of the surgery came , they opened me up BUT no cancer Glory to God.

 

Good morning Liz, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for keeping in touch. God loves you and he is sooo good.dont focus on the dr report, focus on the Healer only speak his word over yourself. I love listening to  CD of Healing scriptures, my favorite is Cathy Duplantis she includes a little booklet with the healing scriptures, she is reading on the CD. I also like Kenneth Hagin CD. Just pop it in and listen to it all day when you can and keep it on, quietly at night all night even. You will eventually learn to memorize them and speak them along as they speak the Word. Gods Word is powerful and it literally changes the atmosphere in your home and cells in your body. The Word says " Gods word is sharper than a two edged sword and penetrates even into the marrow of the bone". wow think about that. It really penetrates into your flesh and your organs and cells. remember to take baby steps God is with you. Healing is already yours.confess it daily outloud to yourself.  I used to take healing CD's to sick friends in the hospital with a CD player and the peace of God would just fill the place, people would feel so comforted by the Word, even the nurses would come and enjoy the Word. anyways we love you here, don't forget to by yourself a hot coco or a carnattion even better. I love flowersGod bless you today with miracles signs and wonders. Sabine

Sandy:

Excellent reply post Dee

                                                   

                                                             

Hi Liz greetings from the UK my sister

Liz you will find that the more you get into the Word (or rather the more the Word gets into you) you're life will contnue to improve  you need to see yourself in every area of your life as Father God already sees you , our sister Dee covered so much of how the Word sees you already. It is so important that you keep renewing your mind to the Word of God.

Romans 12:2
... but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind,

 

Proverbs 23 :7

 

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he!

 

Psalm 119:130 The entrance of thy words giveth light
The more we study Fathers Word Liz and see what rightfully belong to us through Jesus then we find we take on a new spiritual stance so to speak , you will find you won't be prepared to put up with certain things any more.

We are you're family Liz and we're here for you , any thing we can do to help please let us know

 

Concerning the biopsy for cyst on the ovary , been there sis. Again the strength of Fathers Word , Father gave me

Psalm 103:4

Who redeemeth thy life from destruction!

 I spoke that word out over my life reguarly , the doctors thought cancer , BUT my God said my life was redeemed from destruction!

My weight plummated down by almost  4 stones, I was schuled for surgery , the day of the surgery came , they opened me up BUT no cancer Glory to God.

 

Liz Father can change any situation around in your life as long as you are prepared to stand on His Word until you see it come to pass. 

Again I say we are here for you sis

Blessings in Jesus

Your sister Sandy xxx

Excellent Post California Rosebud,

I'm praising God for your deliverance also.  It's amazing how simple our Father is.  And the steps that you've given here can be applied to absolutely any area of our life that we are dealing with, whether it be depression, healing, poverty, needing a job, deliverance of our children, whatever the situation.  These are the steps of deliverance from the strongholds built in our lives.

Thank you