Is my mother in law entitled to know all that goes on in our marriage?  I want her to be a part of the family but not in the decision making process.  My spouse feels that I must understand my mother in law.  My spouse does not ask my mother in law to understand me however.  It's been 5 years of me understanding them and their family and I've had enough.  We ve been married for 11years only 5 years have I been aware of my mother in law making decisions in my household and I'm asked by my spouse to "understand".  Finally my spouse asked my mother in law to "please not interfere" when I am instructing my children and mother in law gave back gifts we had given her and left (all but the cell phone:). She asked " Should I take back all I have given you and that our family has given you?" and my spouse replied, "What are you talking about?" Is it me or does it seem that mother in law thinks that she and my spouse have the same relationship they did when my spouse lived with her before my spouse became an adult?  Please SOMEONE Respond.  I want to know "Am I wrong?" or should I UNDERSTAND and keep quiet while my mother in law inquires about our personal lives and imputes her ideas in our household.  Please no super spiritual answers -  just be real.   Thanks again.

You are not wrong. Mother-in-law is out of line when she demands to know everything going on in your marriage. When you and your spouse were married the marriage relationship became the most important relationship. There is a reason God told the man to leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife. God gave marriage and blessed. Families are to be blessed with children but when those children have grown and entered marriage parents need to let go. Mother-in-law needs to step out of the way and let your marriage grow strong. The only details she is entitled to are the details you want her to know. Your marriage must succeed for fail based on the relationship you and your spouse have with one another. When I do pre-marriage counselling I teach the couple that they are the most important individuals in the marriage. Mom and Dad must step back. Mom and Dad have a hard time stepping back when either spouse cannot cut the strings. While you must continue to honor your in-laws, you have a right to some privacy. You also need to make your own decisions about family issues. It also sounds as though you and your spouse have some communication issues as well as some boundary issues. The communication issues have to do with understanding each other and what is important. The boundary issues have to do with letting others into your family decisions. 

Thank you for being down to earth with me Pastorpmj.  I have communicated the exact same things you said here to my spouse.  The issue seems to be my spouse not wanting to hurt mother in law.  I do not want that either, however somthing must happen and has.  My spouse has apparently done the boundary thing and mother in law is upset.  I feel that it isn't over and she has not resolved to let it go at this but, my spouse is saying " I cannot make her change her mind or stop trying to control us.  I can only let her know how I feel and ask her to please stop.  She has left and given back the gifts - fine.  I say leave her alone and if it comes up again we'll deal with it then".  I agree with my spouse but I want to agree with my spouse.  So, what do you think? Is my spouse right and doing his/her best (I don't want it to be a gender thing, you know) I never blog or post because I've always thought from what I've read that you were all just corney and trying to be on your best behavior and complete out of touch with reality.  Now, I cannot tell you how I appreciate your just being human and not trying to sound as nice as you can but ... Even if you said something I didn't agree with... I just ... really thank you.  May God Bless You.

As stated, and as you know, the Bible says we are to leave our father and mother and cleave to our spouse.  Period.  Your mother in law giving the gifts back is sheer manipulation, which the Bible calls witchcraft.  You are not wrong, but your she is.

I understand your husband not wanting to hurt her feelings, and your agreement with him in this matter.  I sense that under no circumstances should you say anything to her without your husband being with you, as I believe she would try to turn him against you. 

Is she a believer?  Is this something that her mother in law did?  The reason I ask is because My husband and I have been together for 32 years.  I called my mother in law sometime within the last several months and thanked her.  I told her that one of the things that really struck me and that I admired so much about her was the fact that she never interfered in our marriage.  If we let her know what was going on, she gave her opinion, other than that, she kept out of our lives.  She told me that her mother in law had done the same thing with her and that she admired that about her also.

Most times, people do as they were taught.

I agree with what has been spoken above.

Dee